I am bored. to death
And I just want to die
But I'm bluffing
I know it
It's all just a lie
What I really want is self worth
And a reason to respect
I feel so fucking screwed up in my mind
I can't stop these thoughts in my head
So for right now
And at this moment
I would really rather be
FUCKING DEAD.

12:19pm
When I see you looking over that bridge, I get a feeling in my soul, and it makes me sick. You're looking over the edge but the sun's shining bright. You are so out of place in all that is right. The sun's reflection off the water down below is giving off a strange type of glow. Maybe it knows that you'll be there soon. Right where you belong in the depths, in the dark. So that's how you died that one lovely day in June.


We'll always be together. People come and go. But we're different. Our friendship's forever. I promise. - But you lied.


Tonight when gazes rest on me and eyes peirce my skin, staring daggers will not penetrate. Now I have my haven. I can be safe. Soft fingers entwined with my own. Strong arms to pull me in close. We'll break the noise - the distractions and retreated into our own hush. Our silence. Only wispers, gentle kisses, warm embraces. And I never want to leave.


Loss = Motivation version 1
"Write me a song, about what, I don't care."
It's not as simple as that, my friend
To quit the procrastination.
Lay aside these things I love - and I hate - the destruction
Throw away the numbness, the saddness, whatever obstruction
and I encounter it all.

I would climb 40 foot brick walls for you.
But I'm lacking in everything, thought I want to
I'm looking for substance and meaning - a reason to live.
But my body - my heart - it's stuck and won't give.

I know that it's been a long time, my friend
And I've never forgotten what you asked
I guess losing someone is enough to break the cold
Surrounding me - and break my heart
Cause I'm feeling lost
And being left behind can make me feel enough
To write the song you asked for.

Matter-Of-Course
Rose petals falling around me,
and I know it's snowing inside you.
I'll dance in the vibrant red's and white's,
Lift up my arms and raise my face towards to sky,
To catch the petals on my tongue,
Where they melt and disappear
And dissolve until the whites of my eyes turn red.

You'll watch. Yes, you'll smile.
Humor me awhile,
Until you part your lips,
And the cold breeze emits, tinged with ice and frost.
Rose petals shrivel and weaken.
The color drips out, spotting me crimson,
And they shatter, covered in ice when they hit the ground.
The only remnants of color is now a dead, and dirty, rotten brown.


11:19
This season's so short, and I can already feel it lifting and being blown away. The leaves are all golden. Even in the softest breeze, they flutter to the ground as light as snow flakes. Pave the street with vibrant hughes of yellow and brown, and the sun still shines. And sometimes happiness can still be victorious.


This language is a hindrance when I can't locate the proper words, or maybe it's just the limited knowledge of my mind. I want to reign victorious over this trivial thing, these letters formed to derive some understanding. And sometimes these words are so detramental in my ability to be alive - Not merely existing.


Some individuals can write for hours and produce fantastic rhymes and deep, important meanings about life. I'm stumped in a matter of minutes. It seems if I could turn off my over-active mind and let the ink flow as it wills, maybe I could find some great answer to everything. And I could be okay with this information. I could move along and function normally. This would be alright.